Her Side

“Mom, I thought you’d be on my side,” were the words that tugged at my heart tonight. My sweet little pre-teen (“tween” is the term, I guess) girl has had more than her share of angst and drama in the last year. She has been a trouper through it all, but at times her heart has been hurt. I have tried to be ‘on her side’ and to stand up and fight for her when things have been too much for her to bear alone. I want her to know that she is worth my time, energy, and ferocity; that I love her no matter what, and that she is a priceless blessing in my life. Today’s disappointment seemed like the chance to help her understand that everyone has to work hard, and sometimes not be the belle of the ball, figuratively speaking. Everyone should get a chance to try their best, but life isn’t fair and winning the prize every time doesn’t happen for anyone. (By the way, we have had this conversation before!) But tonight’s teary response made me wonder if I’m doing this Mom thing right. When I was five, my family moved to a new town. Weeks later, I started Kindergarten, and I had a rough adjustment. The other kids had known each other for years, and I was the New Girl. Many nights, I would cry in bed, and my Mother would come get me and take me to the couch, where she would hold me, cry with me, and tell me she loved me, and that things would be OK. And they were; I made some very good friends. But mostly I treasure those memories, because I never questioned whether she was on my side. She died when I was 15, but I know she’s still on my side. Does my little girl really wonder whose side I am on? I hope it’s just a little tiredness on her part. I would hate to think there was any question in her mind; at the same time, I want her to gain some empathy, learn to work hard for her goals, etc. Is that so wrong? How do you show your children that you are on their side?